Daddy Says (in partial third person because it’s waaaay more fun):
Tyson, as you're bound to find out sooner rather than later, your Mommy is, shall we say, a little bit anal retentive. In fact, these overly meticulous traits possessed by Mommy seem to have increased ten-fold since we learned the union of Daddy's sperm and Mommy's ovum would, indeed, lead to your birth.
Case in point. T’was a wonderfully sunny, Saturday morning, roughly three months (THREE MONTHS!!!!!!) before you were even due to be hatched. Daddy waltzed into "his" shower, only to find; not one, not two, not three, not even four, or five, not f****ing six, but seven, yes, seven rubber duckies precisely placed on the shelves where Daddy once put all of his shaving supplies. "Honey,” Daddy yelled to Mommy, "Is there something I should know about, like, did we have a kid two years ago that I'm somehow unaware of?" “No,” Mommy replied in her delightfully innocent voice, “I’m just getting ready for when Tyson is born.” Seriously, ‘getting ready for when Tyson is born’. You were still three months from showing us your cute little face and Mommy was placing rubber duckies in the f***ing bath tub! Ughhhh.
Tyson, just so you know though, Daddy is not as sour about this as he may sound. In fact, Daddy totally knew Mommy was anal retentive before he married her. The fact that she had the wedding completely planned three months (THREE MONTHS!!!!!!) before Daddy popped the question should have given him a clue. And, he even loves her for it! Also, just so you know, the only thing Daddy could do was smile when he saw the seven rubber duckies in “his” shower : )