Daddy, Tyson and Mila,
Last week Daddy started a new job. He is gone looong hours and will spend some nights in faraway places. In return, I am floundering around like a crazy person trying to make life go on. It’s been hard and lonely. I’ve considered pulling my hair out if Tyson got out of bed one more time. I’ve questioned my sanity when Mila started thinking 4 AM was the appropriate time to wake up for the day. I’ve watched the clock tick by until I could put you both to bed. I’ve bribed you with candy, fed you PB&J too often, and allowed you to watch a little too much TV. I’ve been tired and cranky and yelled at you when you didn’t deserve it. I haven’t been the best Mommy I can be. I’m sorry.
The first week Daddy was gone I cried to him on the phone about how rough I had it. Taking care of two kids, keeping the house clean, getting to work on time, and putting food on your plates is hard work. REALLY hard work. I told him I couldn’t do it all. I asked him why he had to do this to me. I told him I was exhausted. I made him feel really, really bad. Again, I’m sorry.
This week, I’ve realized that yes, I do have it rough-doing all of the above on my own will be hard. I will be exhausted and sometimes cranky. It will be lonely, but I will be with YOU. Daddy, I’ve realized, has it much, much worse. Daddy will miss things like Mila’s first steps when he’s away on a business trip or Tyson’s first hockey class while he’s out to dinner with a client. Daddy will miss having dinner with us each night and reading you bedtime stories when he is out of town. Daddy will miss the funny thing Tyson said at preschool or the way Mila asks for “Titan” each morning.
When I was a little girl, my Daddy traveled for work too. I now know how tough my Mommy had it. She was busy and exhausted, but I don’t remember her ever being anything but loving and helpful. I also know how tough my Daddy had it. He missed our swim meets and our choir concerts. He missed having dinner with us and getting us off to school each morning. He missed us.
I hope we can do the whole traveling Daddy thing as well as my parents did. I hope we learn to cherish our time together as a family and appreciate the days, nights and mornings we can spend together. Tyson-I hope you don’t remember that Daddy wasn’t at your first hockey practice, but instead remember that he came to every practice he could. Mila-I hope you remember that it was Daddy that actually taught you to walk. Daddy-I hope you know that I realize what you are doing is FOR me not TO me and that I am really, really proud of your new job.
I love you guys.
Ps-Also-Daddy: Happy Valentine’s Day. This is your present. I think it’s a pretty awesome one. I better not be getting workout clothes.