May was when we were supposed to have found out that Tyson would have a little sister. A fact that we instead learned through genetic testing completed after our D&C. A little girl. A complete family.
May was when we received our bill for the hospital with a line for the above genetic testing billed as an autopsy.
May was when we planned to decorate our little girl's room. We had debated getting a new glider and worried that they were too expensive. Instead of purchasing the new glider, I sadly wrote out a check for our hospital bills.
May was when I should have started wearing maternity clothes and happily showing off my baby bump. I found myself cringing when my cousin who was due a week earlier than us posted pictures of her (ridiculously cute and small) baby belly on facebook.
May was when my sister-in-law had a perfect and healthy baby boy. I worried that I wouldn't be able to hold him as I would be missing our little girl.
May was hard.
But June will be better.
Last week, we planted a tree in memory of our baby. A "girly" tree-one that will flower in the spring and turn deep red in the fall. A tree that we will watch grow to be big and beautiful, just like our little girl would have been.
The tree was closure that I needed. As was getting past the May milestones. There will be other hard days and other hard months, but I know that I will be ok. I know that our little girl is ok. She is loved. She is missed, but she is remembered every day.