It's Possibly I May Have Turned My Child Into a Male Whore

Two months ago, Tyson responded to "Give Mommy a kiss!" by sticking (ok, slapping) his hand up to my mouth and letting me kiss it. I'm pretty sure his confusion stemmed from my desire to teach him to blow kisses at a young age. That said, people were a little taken a back when they asked for a kiss and received a hand slap to the mouth.

In a desire to curtail this social faux pas, we've worked really hard at learning how to give kisses the correct way.

Perhaps this was my first mistake. What mother works hard at teaching her son to give kisses? I can see his "16 and Pregnant" reality show now.

He was a fast learner. Within a month he had the gentle head tilt and kissing noise down pat. He would eagerly give us kisses bye-bye. I die of cuteness. He would give Grandmas and Grandpas their long awaited kisses with ease. They die of cuteness. And we would spend our entire night time routine saying "nigh-nigh" and giving more kisses. I die again.

A few weeks ago, he started asking for Lola during our night time routine. She would come running and he would bend down to gently give her a kiss through his crib rails. I die and go immediately to heaven

Last week, during our night time routine, between his kisses to Mommy and Daddy he bent down and gave his Ellie and Mickey kisses too ( Ellie and Mickey are his blankies that he sleeps with every.single.night. He carries them EVERYWHERE he can and he makes a mad dash to them each time we arrive home-they really should be a whole other post). Considering it's conceivable that he might love Ellie and Mickey more than Mommy and Daddy, kissing them was only appropriate and again, undeniably cute.

This week, during our night time routine, he has barely acknowledged that Mommy and Daddy were even in the room. Much of his time has been spent kissing Ellie, Mickey, his stuffed cow, his glow worm that plays his night time songs, the animals around his crib guard, the stuffed monkey on his rocking chair and even his blanket. Rinse and repeat. The kid spends more time making out with the items in his crib than I do with his Daddy.

Next week I'll probably see him copping a feel on the stuffed cow.

It's possible I may have turned my child into a male whore, but at least he can now kiss properly.